Ten Stress Strategies Every Mom Needs

Well, since my husband is making me sit on the couch and relax, I suppose I have time to do a post from another class I took at the Hearts at Home conference.  Two posts in one week?!?!

This workshop that I took was also given by Jill Savage.  I desperately needed this workshop.  Sure, a lot of the things are no-brainers, but when incorporated into your life they can make a big difference.  Easier said than done, but I am going to work on making them a regular part of my routine.

1. Take a day off.  On a regular basis.  This does not include my yearly trip to the Hearts At Home conference.  I struggle with this one.  I often feel that just because I no longer work outside the home that I do not deserve to have "time off."  If I am pro-active about taking care of myself, then I lessen my chances of becoming reactive when a "crisis" occurs.  When I take care of myself, I am taking care of my family.  They have a mom who is refreshed, not stressed.

2. Increase margin.  Allow extra time, even for the littlest of things.  When going somewhere, plan for the "emergencies".  Example: Allow extra time in case a child throws up and you have to change their clothes.

3.  Learn to say "no!"  Choose one major and one minor outside the home.  A major includes something you must prepare for.  A minor is something you just show up for.  Where a lot of people get in trouble, is that they choose several minors and they don't take into account all the time to which they all add up.  For me, my one major is AWANA.  I have to prepare for that each week.  My minor is nursery.  I just have to show up once a month.  It is okay to take on more than one minor if, say, one is a one time thing that doesn't conflict with the other minor.  Never say yes on the spot to someone, no matter how noble the cause.  Say "let me think" or "let me pray about it."  (Big issue for me- I have a hard time telling people no, which is usually what gets me so stressed out.)  Choose between what is good and best.  Sometimes you will have to say no to something good and choose what is best for you at that time.  Jill used the example of when she was leading a mom's group in her area.  She was then asked to head up VBS at their church.  VBS is an excellent thing.  However, both were major commitments.  She had to ask herself if she was ready to give up leading the mom's group.  She wasn't.  So she had to say no to leading VBS.  Say to ourselves, I am capable, but am I called?
*After hearing the different mothering personalities workshop, I now understand why I get extra stressed when I over commit.  I am medium-low capacity, meaning I don't enjoy being overly busy.

4.Take care of your body.
Feed it healthful foods.
Hydrate
Move (exercise)
Rest

5. Expect Interruptions.  Unrealistic expectations are preconceived resentments.  This also reminded me of a workshop I took a couple years back that said motherhood is the ministry of interruptions.

6. Proactively refuel.  Take time to recharge before you get completely drained.  For me that is napping on Sundays and having a few minutes of quiet here and there to read a good book.  (That's the introvert in me.)

7. Choose important over urgent.  If you're helping your child with homework and the phone rings, let it go to voice mail.  Your time spent with your child is more important than that phone call.  However, if it's hubby it's ok to answer.  Husbands come before children!  Slowly learning that one.

8. Step away.  It's okay to take a time out.  There are some days when Matt comes home form work where I need just ten minutes to myself, away from the kids.  That's OK!!

9. Ask for help- WITH WORDS!  Stop expecting it to happen.  This does not mean we can slam cupboard doors if need help instead of asking.  (Oops!)

10.  Last on the list, but most important- talk to Jesus!  When we talk to Him, we begin to unclutter our insides.

Embrace Your Mothering Personality

As usual, this year's Hearts at Home conference did not disappoint!  I always come away feeling that I'm not alone, and that I CAN do this whole mothering/wife thing.  It's always a time of refreshment and encouragement.  I am going to be sharing some of the things I learned throughout the coming weeks.  I am going to resist the urge to go in chronological order of the classes I took and share them in whatever order I feel led.

This year I had the privilege of taking two of Jill Savage's workshops.  She is an awesome woman, and I could listen to her speak for hours.  I loved her workshop titled: "Embrace Your Mothering Personality."

Here are the four main points she touched on:
1. Become more self-aware.
2. Stop comparing (this is something I struggle with frequently)
3. Stop trying to be someone you're not.
4. Identify what God wants you to work on.

She discussed five personality traits and their counterparts.  I am going to share the ones that described me, along with the strengths associated with those traits and the area in which I need to grow.

Introvert or Extrovert Mom?
I am an introvert mom.  This has nothing to do with social skills, it just means that I get refueled by being alone instead of with a group of people.  Which is true- I am content to be alone.  An introvert can have several friends, but generally has 1-2 close friends.  Again, I would say that's pretty accurate for me.  Introvert moms also enjoy deeper conversations.  Yep!  My growth point is that I need to intentionally carve out quiet time so I can refuel.

Internal or External Processing Mom?
I am an internal processing mom.  I problem solve by thinking instead of talking things through (sometimes true).  Internal processing moms also tend to be more self aware than external processing moms.  There are several areas I need to grow in.  I need to learn to communicate how I'm thinking better, because my husband and kids may not know what I am thinking.  My husband and children may not really know me well.  I also need to stop internalizing my feelings and learn to get others' perspectives in different situations.  Definitely many opportunities for improvement there.

Innie or Outie?
This is referring to organization.  I am an outie.  I tend to be more relaxed about "stuff".  I find relationships more important than tasks (so true).  I tend to be more easy going.  Some weaknesses include: trouble finding things (describes me to a tee- just ask my husband), clutter may cause chaos (yep), and I might struggle inviting people over.  (See photos below)

Time for a real mom confession.  This week was very hectic.  This is what my living room looked like Monday morning.  We had just gotten back from a trip and I was in the process of getting my stuff ready to sell at Buttons and Bows.

 This is what it looked like Thursday evening when I got home from the sale.  My hubby had vacuumed and picked up the clutter off the floor.  (the basket is from full of hangers from the clothing I bought at the sale.)  I literally had no time to do any house work all week.  Matt was so nice and never said anything about it.

Spontaneous or Scheduled Mom?

This one kind of surprised me.  I'm a spontaneous mom?!?!  Spontaneous moms are well,...spontaneous and FUN!!  Their homes are gathering places, and they tend to be easy going.  They struggle with getting things done...that is true.  They have trouble with their structured children.  They have a hard time getting together with other moms.  They need to learn to schedule things in to make time for them.

Medium-Low Capacity or Medium-High Capacity Mom?

I am medium-low capacity.  These kinds of moms understand the importance of down time.  It's possible that we live more in the moment and are more in tune with our kids and spouse.  We enjoy relaxed conversations.  We do tend to get stuck in ruts.  We have trouble getting things done ( that seems to be a pattern).  We often feel guilty, like we're not doing enough.  

What I took away from this workshop was not to judge other moms with different mothering personalities, just like I would not want them judging me.  God made us all differently, and that's ok!

Psalm 139-13-14

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

What a great reminder!